I decided to return John’s call from the study. We had exchanged phone calls a few times since I got back with Keith, but had not had a chance to get together. John’s tongue could be caustic at times when it came to Keith, but at least he understood our relationship and was fond enough of Keith in his own subtle way.
‘Hey John, sorry I didn’t get your message till just now. How’re you doing?
‘Hi Dusty. I’ve been good. How’re you doing with your brat?’
‘Oh, the usual … getting back on track stuff. He’s straining a little at the restrictions, but otherwise doing fine.’ I kept my tone light on purpose.
‘You are too easy on him.’ And that was John.
I bristled a little at his forthrightness, but refused to be offended. We had known one another forever, and seen one another through some tough times. He also had much more experience in discipline partnerships, and I had turned to him for advice on more than one occasion. I had a lot of respect for John.
I made a non-committal noise and John picked up my cue at once.
‘Hey, reason I called was to tell you I might have something for Keith if you guys haven’t found anything yet, and want to consider it. My new partner, Paul, is looking for a PA and I thought Keith just might be a good candidate for this position. ‘
I was surprised, but mostly grateful. I listened closely as John went on to explain a little more about the job requirements and I too felt that it was something Keith might be interested in.
‘This is great, John. I can’t thank you enough.’ I said sincerely. I was touched that he wanted to give Keith this opportunity.
‘Keith’s a bright young man, and I want to make sure Paul gets someone who is bright, smart and dependable.’
Coming from John, that felt really good.
‘Hey, thanks pal. Let me talk to Keith about it and we’ll call you back. When did you want to set up the interview?’
We settled on Friday afternoon, chatted a bit more, then hung up.
Keith was curled up comfortably in front of the TV, hair damp from his shower and curling at the ends. I headed into the kitchen, made two cups of tea, collected his time sheet, and joined him on the sofa.
Keith scowled the minute he saw the time sheet in my hands. ‘Oh God! Must we?’ he spat with loathing.
I carefully put the hot teas down on the side table and said cheerfully. ‘Come on, darling, let’s get this done.’ It had become a nightly routine which we both hated.
Keith uncurled his legs, and started to get up. ‘I need to go to the bathroom.’
I pulled him back down. ‘Let’s do this first.’ I said quietly.
He surrendered ungraciously, and grumpily went through the time sheet with me. He had done a fair job in accounting for his day and I kissed him firmly on the forehead. He jumped up the minute we were done, and disappeared into the bathroom. I could see his stormy face and felt a pang of sympathy for him.
I understood how much he hated this part of our routine, and why he hated it. I hated having to do it too – it was distasteful to me to track Keith in that way, but it gave me a fair amount of control over Keith’s activities when I could not physically be with him, and that, at the moment, was extremely important to me. It was not so much a matter of trust but more of not giving him the option of temptation. I saw no benefit in testing Keith’s resilience at a point when he was so vulnerable.
I was quite as desperate as Keith to drop this practice, but first he needed a set routine so that he did not have to look for other distractions. So far, he had been dutiful in filling the time sheet, but I wished with all my heart we were done with it.
When Keith came back, his face was a little more relaxed though his eyes still looked hurt. Putting away the time sheet, I pulled Keith down next to me.
‘I called John just now,’ I said casually.
‘Uh-huh. What did he want?’ Keith asked, not particularly interested.
‘Well, actually he has a proposition for you.’
I watched Keith straighten up in surprise, and I went on to explain what John had in mind.
‘Well, what do you think, sweetheart?’ I asked, watching his expression closely. ‘You think this is something you might like to do?’
Keith shrugged and went on watching TV though I did not think his attention was really on it.
‘I don’t have all the details but you get a general idea of what the job is about. And you can find out more at the interview itself.’ I kept my tone deliberately neutral. ‘That is, if you decide to go.’
Keith bit his lip and still did not respond. So far, he had shown no enthusiasm whatsoever in this area. I pulled him back into my arms and hugged him tightly. ‘Think about it darling? ‘
Keith nodded his head and wrapped his arms suddenly around me.
After a few minutes of silence, Keith muttered against my chest. ‘You said we won’t need to do the time sheet once I get a job, right?’
‘Yes, I did say that.’
‘And you think this is a good idea?’
‘Y-e-s,’ I said cautiously, not wanting to coerce Keith into this for the wrong reasons. For it to work, it had to be something he liked to do, and with his full commitment. ‘I think you can do the job; in fact, John thinks you will be great for it!’
‘Oh,’ he said flatly.
‘I know John can come across a bit – strong – sometimes, but he means well.’ I said, dropping a light kiss on his head. ‘And he is fond of you, you know?’
‘No, he is NOT!’ Keith said, looking rather revolted.
I had to laugh at Keith’s expression. ‘He is trying to help us with this offer! He did not have to do this. You know that, don’t you?’
‘I guess.’
‘But it’s entirely your decision. You decide if this is something you might like to do.’
‘OK.’
‘You want to give this a try?’ I asked softly.
Keith sighed. ‘I guess...’
I pulled him into my lap. ‘That’s good, babe.’ I pulled his face down to mine and kissed him slowly, feeling him respond.
At the back of my mind, I felt somewhat relieved. If this worked out, we could finally move on and out of this nightly routine.