Monday ...


Of all the punishments I could give Keith, I believe he found grounding the hardest. He was a naturally active young man with boundless energy. I thought about all the restrictions I had put on him and knew how suffocating it must be for him. So far, he had spent time grudgingly refreshing his resume and writing application letters for those job postings I had had him marked out. And he was truly frustrated!
‘I don’t feel good. In fact, I feel lousy….’ he complained, curled up against me on the sofa as we watched TV in the living room, his fingers pulling strands out of the sofa cushions.
I touched his face gently. He did not feel hot, nor was he flushed. ‘Does anything hurt?’
He shrugged. ‘No, not really.’ Nuzzling closer, he said. ‘Let’s go out, Dusty. Maybe have a drink somewhere?’ He looked up at me hopefully, like a puppy expecting to get a treat.
‘Sorry darling,’ I said, kissing his forehead. ‘You’re grounded still, and it’s a work night for me. Maybe this weekend?’
He flung away from me, irritable and grouchy. He had been vacillating between moods the last few days and I suspected he was reacting to the lack of stimulus his system had got used to in the past few months, and the last thing I wanted was for him to visit his old haunts. That was one habit I was determined to break.
‘I know it’s hard, darling,’ I said, drawing him tightly against me. ‘And I appreciate that you are trying. It’ll get better, I promise.’
He hunched his shoulder, and I could just picture him holding his hands to his ears trying to block out my words. I gave his hair a tousle and stood up. ‘Why don’t I make you a nice cup of tea, hmm?’
‘No thanks,’ he said ungraciously, flopping down onto the sofa and burying his face into the cushions. Some rude opinions on the value of tea came out muffled and I grinned as I headed towards the kitchen.
As I passed the hallway, I spotted a half crumpled sheet of paper on the table by the stairs where we kept our keys, the phone and other knick-knacks.
‘What’s this?’ I asked, recognizing Keith’s neat handwriting.
The face in question lifted out of the cushions and peered over the back of the couch.
‘Oh that!’ Keith said disinterestedly. ‘That’s my interview schedule.’
‘You got an interview?’ I asked, coming back into the living room, delighted.
‘Yeah.’ Keith immediately burrowed his face back into the pillows. I pulled him up and sank down beside him.
‘Tell me!’ I demanded.
Like pulling teeth, I wormed the information out from him. 2.00pm tomorrow, at the Albertson Hall down town, 5th floor, ask for Ms Jones. He told me no more than what was written on the paper.
Refusing to let him ruffle my temper, I chirpily wished him luck.

Tuesday ...

I gritted my teeth when Keith called me at the office to tell me that he had left half way through the interview because he had not liked the job description. Neither had he liked Ms Jones. I sighed and went back to work.
Unable to focus too much for the rest of the afternoon, I came home early. I was even more unimpressed when I found a cigarette butt in the trashcan.
‘All right. Where are they?’ I asked, clicking my fingers sharply.
Keith stared at me innocently for a moment, then dropped his eyes and sighed. He dug his hand into his pocket and surrendered the rather crumpled pack of smokes. It was swiftly confiscated, and Keith spent the next half hour muttering to the wall.
‘I smoked one lousy cigarette! It’s not fucking dope! - for Christ sake!’ It was softly said, but unfortunately not soft enough to escape my ears.
I turned back swiftly. ‘What did you say?’
He looked over his shoulder, eyes open wide. ‘Nothing.’
‘You were supposed to go and attend an interview, not stop off to buy cigarettes.’ I said acidly. My hand connected with his backside sharply. ‘And watch that tongue of yours!’
He gave me a brief glare before dropping his eyes, saying in a much milder tone. ‘I was nervous about the interview. I just wanted something to calm my nerves. A smoke would have done that! I didn’t do ANY drugs! What is wrong with that?’
‘You know the answer to that, Keith. You know the effects of long-term smoking.’ My voice sharpened. ‘AndI said NO – and that should be reason enough!’ Another hard smack had got him quickly facing the wall again.

Wednesday ...

I decided to return John’s call from the study. We had exchanged phone calls a few times since I got back with Keith, but had not had a chance to get together. John’s tongue could be caustic at times when it came to Keith, but at least he understood our relationship and was fond enough of Keith in his own subtle way.
‘Hey John, sorry I didn’t get your message till just now. How’re you doing?
‘Hi Dusty. I’ve been good. How’re you doing with your brat?’
‘Oh, the usual … getting back on track stuff. He’s straining a little at the restrictions, but otherwise doing fine.’ I kept my tone light on purpose.
‘You are too easy on him.’ And that was John.
I bristled a little at his forthrightness, but refused to be offended. We had known one another forever, and seen one another through some tough times. He also had much more experience in discipline partnerships, and I had turned to him for advice on more than one occasion. I had a lot of respect for John.
I made a non-committal noise and John picked up my cue at once.
‘Hey, reason I called was to tell you I might have something for Keith if you guys haven’t found anything yet, and want to consider it. My new partner, Paul, is looking for a PA and I thought Keith just might be a good candidate for this position. ‘
I was surprised, but mostly grateful. I listened closely as John went on to explain a little more about the job requirements and I too felt that it was something Keith might be interested in.
‘This is great, John. I can’t thank you enough.’ I said sincerely. I was touched that he wanted to give Keith this opportunity.
‘Keith’s a bright young man, and I want to make sure Paul gets someone who is bright, smart and dependable.’
Coming from John, that felt really good.
‘Hey, thanks pal. Let me talk to Keith about it and we’ll call you back. When did you want to set up the interview?’
We settled on Friday afternoon, chatted a bit more, then hung up.
Keith was curled up comfortably in front of the TV, hair damp from his shower and curling at the ends. I headed into the kitchen, made two cups of tea, collected his time sheet, and joined him on the sofa.
Keith scowled the minute he saw the time sheet in my hands. ‘Oh God! Must we?’ he spat with loathing.
I carefully put the hot teas down on the side table and said cheerfully. ‘Come on, darling, let’s get this done.’ It had become a nightly routine which we both hated.
Keith uncurled his legs, and started to get up. ‘I need to go to the bathroom.’
I pulled him back down. ‘Let’s do this first.’ I said quietly.
He surrendered ungraciously, and grumpily went through the time sheet with me. He had done a fair job in accounting for his day and I kissed him firmly on the forehead. He jumped up the minute we were done, and disappeared into the bathroom. I could see his stormy face and felt a pang of sympathy for him.
I understood how much he hated this part of our routine, and why he hated it. I hated having to do it too – it was distasteful to me to track Keith in that way, but it gave me a fair amount of control over Keith’s activities when I could not physically be with him, and that, at the moment, was extremely important to me. It was not so much a matter of trust but more of not giving him the option of temptation. I saw no benefit in testing Keith’s resilience at a point when he was so vulnerable.
I was quite as desperate as Keith to drop this practice, but first he needed a set routine so that he did not have to look for other distractions. So far, he had been dutiful in filling the time sheet, but I wished with all my heart we were done with it.
When Keith came back, his face was a little more relaxed though his eyes still looked hurt. Putting away the time sheet, I pulled Keith down next to me.
‘I called John just now,’ I said casually.
‘Uh-huh. What did he want?’ Keith asked, not particularly interested.
‘Well, actually he has a proposition for you.’
I watched Keith straighten up in surprise, and I went on to explain what John had in mind.
‘Well, what do you think, sweetheart?’ I asked, watching his expression closely. ‘You think this is something you might like to do?’
Keith shrugged and went on watching TV though I did not think his attention was really on it.
‘I don’t have all the details but you get a general idea of what the job is about. And you can find out more at the interview itself.’ I kept my tone deliberately neutral. ‘That is, if you decide to go.’
Keith bit his lip and still did not respond. So far, he had shown no enthusiasm whatsoever in this area. I pulled him back into my arms and hugged him tightly. ‘Think about it darling? ‘
Keith nodded his head and wrapped his arms suddenly around me.
After a few minutes of silence, Keith muttered against my chest. ‘You said we won’t need to do the time sheet once I get a job, right?’
‘Yes, I did say that.’
‘And you think this is a good idea?’
‘Y-e-s,’ I said cautiously, not wanting to coerce Keith into this for the wrong reasons. For it to work, it had to be something he liked to do, and with his full commitment. ‘I think you can do the job; in fact, John thinks you will be great for it!’
‘Oh,’ he said flatly.
‘I know John can come across a bit – strong – sometimes, but he means well.’ I said, dropping a light kiss on his head. ‘And he is fond of you, you know?’
‘No, he is NOT!’ Keith said, looking rather revolted.
I had to laugh at Keith’s expression. ‘He is trying to help us with this offer! He did not have to do this. You know that, don’t you?’
‘I guess.’
‘But it’s entirely your decision. You decide if this is something you might like to do.’
‘OK.’
‘You want to give this a try?’ I asked softly.
Keith sighed. ‘I guess...’
I pulled him into my lap. ‘That’s good, babe.’ I pulled his face down to mine and kissed him slowly, feeling him respond.
At the back of my mind, I felt somewhat relieved. If this worked out, we could finally move on and out of this nightly routine.

Thursday ...

I was surprised to see Keith in the kitchen when I came home from the office. He had my roger-rabbit apron around his neck, and was stirring something over the stove with a wooden spoon. I simply stared.
‘What are you doing, sweetheart?’ I asked, looking a little fearfully around me.
‘Cooking dinner,’ Keith announced. ‘I’m making a casserole – I think.’ He pointed to a recipe sitting on the workbench. ‘I downloaded it from the internet.’
My heart went out to him. Poor Keith, I thought. I made a determined effort to ignore the mess while suppressing a shudder.
I slipped my arm around his waist and hugged him, then turned him around to plant a kiss on his lips. ‘This is very nice of you, Keith,’ I said. ‘Thank you!’
And I meant that!
‘S’okay,’ he said, shrugging, as he turned back to the stove. ‘Didn’t have much to do today anyway.’ He sounded so sad and pathetic that my heart ached for him again.
I nuzzled his neck and he laughed and squirmed. He pressed back against me teasingly and his eyes were smoky as he slowly licked some sauce off one finger, and looked at me from below his lashes.
I growled at him. He knew exactly what he was doing to me; he could be so... well, tantalizing. A certain part of me stirred. I tried to glare at him, and failed.
‘What time will dinner be ready?’ I asked, my lips on his hair.
‘Why?’ Keith asked saucily.
‘Because I have plans.’ My hands crept around him, sliding down to his crotch.
‘What kind of plans?’ he asked, a little breathless.
‘This kind.’ I slowly unzipped his pants.
Keith moaned, allowing me to get his fly open. As my hand slipped inside his jeans, he snapped the gas off, threw down the wooden spoon, and gasped. ‘Dinner is indefinitely postponed!’
I swept Keith off his feet amidst his giggles and protests, shuddered once more at the sight of my once pristine kitchen, and took Keith upstairs.

Friday ...

I glanced at the clock on my desk. I would give Keith an hour and a half before I called to see how the interview went. The interview was scheduled at two pm, and I figured I could call Keith around half past three.
My phone rang at two thirty and I saw from caller ID that it was John.
‘Hello John,’ I said brightly.
‘Dusty – Keith never showed up. Do you know where he is?’ John said, and I could tell from his tone that he was fed up.
‘No!’ I said, immediately concerned. ‘He didn’t turn up, you say?’
‘Nope!’
My thoughts turned immediately to the possibility of traffic jams and, more urgently, an accident. My stomach automatically clenched as a distant memory stirred.
John continued to say. ‘My secretary’s called him; I have called him, on his cell phone AND your home, several times, but no answer.’ He grumbled. ‘Did he confirm he was coming for the interview? Could he have mixed up the time?’
I brushed my paranoia away and said, ‘No John, he knows the time. Could he be caught up in traffic, you think? Let me try him again and I’ll call you back.’
‘OK,’ John said, but he sounded resigned rather than hopeful. ‘But we’ll have to reschedule the interview. Paul has something else lined up this afternoon now that Keith has missed his slot.’
I felt terrible about wasting John’s and Paul’s time, knowing what it was like to have your schedule screwed up. After a quick apology, I hung up and immediately dialed Keith’s cell phone first, my hands shaking a little. I waited for the ring tone and it went straight to voicemail – the phone was off! Keith never turned his phone off, unless …
Next I tried the house. It rang till the voice message came on. I ground my teeth and waited impatiently for it to end and beep, and then I said in my best growl, ‘Keith, if you are there, pick up right NOW! I want to talk to you.’
I counted silently – one, two, thr…
‘Hi Dusty.’
I let go a sigh of relief. Thank God he was safe. My relief instantly turned to annoyance. I barked into the receiver. ‘What are you doing at home? Why are you not at the interview?’
There was a moment of uncomfortable silence, then Keith said. ‘I’m sorry Dusty, but I decided not to go for it.’
‘Excuse me?’ I asked in an incredulous voice, and I could feel my eyebrows almost touch my hairline.
Silence.
‘And when did you decide this, Keith?’
I could feel him squirm. It was just as well we were not physically together. I was ready to throttle him.
‘This morning, after you left.’ Keith sounded contrite, which for once did nothing for me.
‘So you just decided NOT to go for this interview? And then you just let John and Paul WAIT for you? Just like that?’
Silence.
‘Did you switch off your cell phone? Why didn’t you pick up John’s call at home!’
Silence.
‘Well?’ I demanded sharply, in a tone I rarely used with Keith.
‘I c..can explain …’ Keith’s voice was noticeably shaking.
I cut him off. ‘You are going explain all right, just not right now. We WILL be discussing this in great detail tonight, but right now, I have to call John first. Do you know how much trouble he went through to set this up for you?’
More silence.
‘John was worried about you!’ I barked. And you scared the hell out of me too, I added silently.
I waited, and when nothing more was forthcoming, I said brusquely. ‘All right then. You know I have a dinner meeting tonight which I cannot get out of. Get your own dinner, then get yourself ready for bed. Wait for me in the bedroom. And I suggest, Keith, you spend the time THINKING, and you better BE PREPARED to give me some answers when I see you. Am I making myself clear, young man?’ I had not been this stern with Keith in a long while.
‘Yes,’ he whispered.
I had to cut it short as I had a ton of work to get through before dinner, and I still had to make that call to John, which I was not looking forward to.
As expected, John was disgusted but restrained, for my sake. I apologized again as best I could and promised to make amends. John snorted and said, ‘I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. You are way too easy with him, Dusty!’
That rankled. But considering the situation, I held my tongue.
The whole episode succeeded to put me in a foul mood all through dinner. My temper, by the time dinner was over, though no longer explosive, was still simmering. I deliberately took a slow drive home, allowing the cool night air to blow into the car in a bid to calm my temper. I pulled into our drive and looked at the darkened house, shaking my head. I had forgotten to ask Keith to leave the porch light on. Except for the light in the master bedroom, dimmed by the drawn curtains, the rest of the house was shrouded in darkness. Rather like my mood, I thought to myself.
I found Keith sitting at the end of our bed, clad in pajamas, as instructed. The evenings had turned cool enough for Keith to trade his customary shorts and t-shirt for proper pajamas. I looked again. Actually, those pajamas were mine and they were at least one size too big for him.
His hands were folded neatly in between his knees, his head was bent and he kept his eyes fixed on the carpet when I entered the room. The picture of sweet docility. I snorted silently to myself.
Walking slowly to the window, I leaned against it, and spent several long moments looking him up and down.
I said conversationally. ‘I have been trying to figure out the whole evening why you would do something like this, and I can’t for the life of me come up with a single good reason.’
He grimaced, but held my gaze steadily.
‘Well, would you care to explain your behavior to me?’ I asked.
Keith cleared his throat before he spoke. ‘I know you are mad at me, Dusty.’
I rolled my eyes. ‘It’s that obvious?’
‘I am SORRY!’ I know I agreed to go for the interview, BUT I JUST COULDN’T!’
I waited while he plunged into what seemed like a rehearsed line. ‘John’s your best friend!’
‘And your point is?’
Keith swallowed. ‘I … I just cannot work for John. We see him all the time. It would be too weird … I wouldn’t be able to separate my personal life from my work.’ he muttered unhappily.
I decided to deal first with the most straightforward item. ‘You are NOT working for John, but for John’s partner, Paul. We made that very clear, didn’t we, Keith?’
‘But it’s the same thing! That is John’s own company. I would be under John’s nose every day.’ He shuddered visibly. ‘And when we meet socially, he would be my BOSS! It’s just too weird. I can’t do it!’ He said, cringing.
‘And you could not tell me this earlier?’ I let go an exasperated sigh and pushed off from the window. I took a turn around the room before stopping in front of Keith, knuckles on my hips.
‘Keith, why the hell didn’t you say something about how you felt when we discussed it?’
He shrugged. ‘I don’t know ….’
‘You don’t know?’
‘Well … you seemed to think it was such a great idea, and I didn’t want to …make you … mad .. ?’ He trailed off.
I stared at him, flabbergasted. ‘Keith, have I ever gotten mad because you expressed an opinion?’
‘Nooo ...’
‘Have I ever NOT listened to your opinions in the past, hmm?’
‘Nooooooo ...’
‘Have I ever NOT considered your feelings, especially when it’s something to do with you personally?’ I asked, coming to the end of my tether.
He looked unhappily at me. ‘I already said I am sorry! I should have told you, I know that! And NO! You have never NOT considered my feelings.’
‘Thank you! So then – why did you think I would get mad?’
‘Well …. well …. because … THIS IS ABOUT JOHN!’
I stared at him uncomprehendingly. ‘What?’
‘You’d be mad because it was John I was turning down.’
‘Keith – this is NOT about John! This is about YOU FINDING A JOB!’
‘Never mind … that’s just what I thought …’ Keith mumbled, casting his eyes down once more, and shrugged.
There was an awful silence as we both seemed to struggle with our own thoughts. Oh God, I thought to myself, grappling with half a dozen divergent thoughts. My mind raced over past conversations and actions, and I could not remember ever trivializing Keith’s feelings. And certainly never for John’s benefit.
My voice softened. ‘You thought wrong, sweetheart! It wouldn’t matter who was involved, the decision to accept or reject the job was entirely yours. Beyond offering you the job, John has nothing to do with it. I’m sorry if I had not made that clear to you.’
Keith jerked his head up, responding immediately to my softer tone. ‘I’m really sorry too. I thought I could just go along with it and attend the interview and then not take the job. You know … say something like it wouldn’t suit me?’
I remained silent, waiting.
His lashes fluttered nervously. ‘And then I thought if I did not intend to take the job, then why go for the interview in the first place … it just seemed such a ... waste of effort and time … ’
I took a deep, deep breath and counted up to ten.
‘Keith,’ I said, my tone still soft. ‘I am not denying you the right to have those doubts about working for John or Paul. In fact, I’m sorry I didn’t think of them. Those concerns are valid and I understand what you are saying. But you should have told me so that we could have talked about it. You had no right to keep that to yourself.’
Keith nodded his head, still maintaining eye contact.
‘But what I am mad about – VERY MAD, mind you! – is you taking advantage of John and Paul, letting them think you were going to attend the interview, then not turning up! They are very busy people. And that is very irresponsible and discourteous behavior, and I wouldn’t let that go, be it John or Paul or anyone else. Are we clear on that?’
Keith nodded his head again, eyes beginning to swim.
‘And what makes me even more angry is you avoiding all the phone calls just so you didn’t have to deal with the situation. People get worried about you when you don’t answer your calls. I was worried about you when John said you did not pick up. You are never to do that again! Is that understood?’
He ducked his head, but quickly brought it up again, knowing I expected eye contact. ‘Yes. I am sorry!’ he finally whispered.
‘You are hardly ever irresponsible like this, Keith. What on earth were you thinking? John was upset, and rightfully so! And I was deeply embarrassed that my partner could behave that way.’
Keith’s face flamed. Those were harsh words to say to him. He made as if to reach out for me and I quickly shook my head, determined to see this through.
‘Stand up!’ I ordered.
He gulped but slowly came to his feet.
‘Fetch the hairbrush.’ I said calmly.
His eyes opened in shock but I nodded briskly towards the dresser where the hairbrush was located and I watched him drag his feet over.
He looked pleadingly at me when he handed me that offensive implement but I firmly ignored his silent plea. There were only two levels of corporal punishment in our home: a hand spanking would serve for most transgressions, and the hairbrush was reserved for when Keith had done something to really piss me off.
His fingers plucked nervously at his pajama top as I laid the hairbrush down on the bed. I grabbed a pillow and placed it at the end of the bed.
‘Take those down please.’ I said, indicating his pajama bottoms.
His face twisted and he stood unmoving before me.
‘Keith, now!’
I watched a tear slide down his cheek as he slowly lowered his pajama pants off his hips. I pointed to the pillow. He moved forward and I pushed him firmly down over it. His chest rested on the bed while his bottom was propped up by the pillow, and nicely raised for the obvious. I pushed his pants further down, all the way to his knees, exposing the firm white flesh of his buttocks and thighs.
I moved closer and began a quick spank with my hand, not at all keen to prolong Keith’s agony. To my surprise, Keith began to cry softly, almost immediately. I ignored the tears and watched his bottom turn pink, and then I picked up the hairbrush. He tensed and I had to admit, I tensed with him. The hairbrush was not used often, and steeling myself, I raised my hand and brought it swiftly down on the reddened flesh. That drew an immediate reaction from Keith. He jerked his head up and yelped loudly.
‘Ow Dusty! Ow! That hurts!’
I tightened my grip to keep him in place. The sound of wood against bare flesh echoed again and again in the room, and I clenched my teeth. A few times, Keith tried to scramble off the bed and pillow, but I grasped him against my hip firmly and prevented him from moving out of position.
‘You do not behave so irresponsibly, Keith. Do you hear me?’ The hairbrush moved lower down and landed solidly on the thighs.
‘OW!’ Keith yelped, kicking. ‘Please Dusty. I’m sorry!’
I started one last circuit. Like I said, it was not often Keith was punished with the hairbrush, but when the occasion called for it, I made sure it was a thorough job. By the time I was done, Keith’s entire bottom was crimson and his thighs showed several red patches where the hairbrush had landed. He was crying hard, and clutching the bedclothes desperately.
I let Keith have his cry out while I stroked his back. I quietly drew several deep breaths myself. He was still gulping back tears unashamedly when I put him back on his feet. I pulled his pants up for him, sat on the bed and pulled him in between my knees, to finish my lecture.
‘On Monday, you will call John and Paul, and apologize to them both!’ I ordered sternly.
He nodded his head, still unable to speak.
‘You take responsibility for your actions. You do not run away from them or pretend they do not exist. Do you?’
He quickly shook his head.
‘Is it right to switch off your phone then, when you are in trouble, just to avoid talking to people and addressing the issue?’
Again, he shook his head.
‘Answer me.’ I ordered sternly.
‘N..no.’ *sniff*
‘And what do you do if you have doubts about things we’ve discussed or agreed? ’
He stole a glance at me, looking utterly miserable. ‘S..share with .. you,’ he whispered in a hoarse voice.
‘All right then.’ I stood up and drew him towards me. He came into my arms in a rush, choking back more tears. I held him tightly while I ran my hands down his back in soothing circles.
When I felt him relax against me, the tears subsiding, I moved him towards his side of the bed. I snagged the pillow, put it back in place and pulled back the covers. ‘Get into bed now.’
Without hesitation, he climbed in and lay on his stomach, burying his face in his pillow. I pulled the covers up and tucked him in. Then I went into the bathroom and rinsed out a face towel. I brought it out to him and sat down by the side of the bed.
‘Turn around, babe.’ I said. He turned slightly so that he was lying on his side and showed me a tear-stained and woebegone face. Gently, I wiped his face and eyes, folded the towel and wiped them again. I then leaned down and kissed his forehead.
‘Go to sleep now.’
His hand clutched mine as I started to rise, so I remained sitting next to him and slowly ran my fingers through his hair. ‘Close your eyes, baby.’
Obediently, the eyes closed but his hand still clung to mine, refusing to let go. I waited till the fingers relaxed and his breathing evened out, then disengaged my hand and flipped off the lights.

Saturday ...

Technically, it WAS Saturday. It was past midnight, and I was nursing a drink – my third one since I camedownstairs – on the sofa in the study. And I was wide awake. I had no qualms about the punishment Keith had received – severe though it had been, it was justified and wellearned. But I was concerned about the perspective Keith had about John and myself. And I wondered overand over again if I could have been responsible for Keith’s doubts. I was still searching my mind for answerswhen I sensed a movement and saw Keith standing in the half open doorway, looking at me uncertainly. Myheart leaped and ached at the same time. Slowly, I held out my hand and he came towards me, allowing me todraw him into my lap. He squirmed to get comfortable, careful not to rest his weight too much on his bottom. ‘Why are you not in bed, hmm?’ I asked. ‘Why aren’t you?’ he countered. I put my hand under his chin and tilted his face up so I could kiss him, suddenly hungry for him. He kissed meback fiercely. We eventually broke for air. Looked into one another’s eyes. And spoke at the same time … ‘You go first,’ I said, as we grinned at one another. ‘I wanted to tell you … I didn’t mean …’ Keith started and stopped. ‘Didn’t mean what, darling?’ ‘Didn’t mean what I said just now. About … about John.’ ‘Darling …’ Keith cut me off. ‘No, let me finish. I … know how close you are to John. I understand about that, butsometimes I get a bit … jealous? You know, when you always bring him into our conversations?’ I would have spoken then, but Keith held up a hand and I subsided again. ‘No, please, let me just say it. I know I shouldn’t mind, and I promise I will TRY very hard not to. But whatI am trying to say is ….that … that even when I do get jealous, its not because you ever made me feel left outor less loved. It’s just me. I’m the one who is at fault here.’ ‘Keith,’ I said, taking his hand and squeezing hard, ‘no one is at fault, least of all you. You are right – John andI are very close. We have been friends a long time, and we go back a long way. We do a lot of things together. But you are also right that there is no reason in the world for you to be jealous. John can never replace you. He is my friend; but you are my friend and my lover. You are everything in the world to me.’ Keith nodded his head fiercely, snuggling his face into my shoulder as he flung his arms around my neck andhugged me tightly against him. ‘I know. Oh God Dusty, I love you so much!’ I slowly pried his hands away from my neck and took his face in mine. Gently, I ran my thumb over his cheek,brushing away the tear that had slid down. ‘Shhh … come on babe, enough crying for one night. Your eyes are going to be all swollen tomorrow. Hushnow …’ I smiled at him – Keith was a beautiful sight, even with swollen, reddened eyes. I reached up and our lips touched - slowly, gently, and lovingly. We kissed deeply, my tongue once againdemanding and urgent. Keith groaned into my throat, twisting around to straddle me, both hands in my hair.He raised himself on his knees, so that he towered over me, suddenly claiming control, and I let him. He torehis mouth from mine, and kissed my eyes, then trailed his mouth down my face and throat, his hands busilyunbuttoning my shirt. Keith seldom turned aggressor on me and it turned me on immensely. ‘Oh babe …’ I breathed. Keith stood and held out his hand to me. Silently I took it and let him lead me upstairs to bed.

Sunday ...

It was a beautiful fall day, and I took Keith to the park for a walk. Keith seemed content to let me take his handand lead him in whichever direction I decided. I headed for the lake because I knew Keith liked to feed theducks there, though he would rather die than admit it. We were standing on the side of the lake, throwing in the crumbs we had brought and admiring the view, whenI felt Keith stiffen. I looked at him, and then followed his gaze. Coming towards us was John with a younger manin tow, whom I recognized vaguely as Danny. Keith turned away in a panic, but I tightened my grip on his hand and pulled him with me as I started forward tomeet them. As we neared, Keith hung back, trying to hide behind me. I looked down at him, amused at hisefforts. ‘You might as well get it over with, darling,’ I murmured softly, while he glared at me. I winced as I felt Keith’s sharp fingers pinch me on my side. ‘Ow’ I said, playfully slapping his hand away, then catching it again, and drawing his hand through mine so hehad no choice but to stand next to me. I saw Keith flush as the other couple reached us, then he turned an even brighter red and stood rooted to theground with his mouth open. I looked over and saw to my surprise that Danny too was blushing furiously andstaring at Keith. John and I raised our eyebrows and waited. ‘D…Daniel?’ Keith stammered. Danny suddenly let go of John’s hands and stood awkwardly alone, a sheepish, embarrassed smile on his face. ‘Keith Fenton?’ ‘You two know one another?’ John asked, starting to break into a chuckle. The two young men looked anything but pleased at John’s humor, and Danny all but squirmed when John triedto put his arm around his shoulders. ‘Don’t be silly,’ John admonished sternly, effectively quelling Danny’s efforts to disengage himself. I felt Keith stir and tapped his arm warningly. ‘So how do you know one another?’ I asked. ‘School,’ Keith mumbled, eyes darting everywhere. ‘Yeah. College too. Umm … So how have you been, Keith?’ Danny asked shyly, and blushed as John pulledhim closer. ‘OK. Not bad.’ Keith was trying hard not to look at them. John burst into a laugh, apparently enjoying our partners’ discomfort. ‘Well then, looks like there is no need forintroductions after all. But we should still get together, drinks perhaps. What do you say, Dusty?’ ‘Absolutely!’ I said enthusiastically, earning myself a fiercer pinch from Keith. I smiled down at him warmly. ‘But first, Keith has something to say to you, John.’ I was sure I heard Keith gag as I pushed him slightly forward. He ducked his head, then looked directly atJohn and painfully stammered out a disjointed apology. I nodded at Keith as he strayed back to my side andI quickly slid my arm around his waist. To my surprise, he leaned hard against me, oblivious to Danny’spresence. I gave him a gentle squeeze. John looked at Keith severely for a moment then his face relaxed and he smiled. ‘Well, I guess I do understand. Dusty has already called me about this yesterday. It would have been so much easier for everyone if you hadsaid something right at the start.’ Keith flushed and mumbled something unintelligible. John continued smoothly. ‘But we won’t say anymore about it, as I’m sure Dusty has said enough for all of us!’He winked wickedly at me. ‘Sorry,’ Keith muttered again, looking at his shoes. ‘So,’ I said cheerfully, ‘I think drinks are in order, and it’s on us!’ ‘Great idea! I’ll take you up on that.’ John said, wrapping both arms around Danny, obviously enjoyingmaking him blush again. ‘Let’s go to Piper’s, shall we?’ Piper’s was a favorite haunt of ours and we met there for happy hours once or twice a month, or sometimes alate supper. We turned and strolled towards the car park; John made a comment, and I replied. Before werealized it, we had shifted positions and John was alongside me and the two young men had fallen behind us. Thankfully, by the time we arrived at the car park, Keith and Danny had shaken off their initial awkwardnessand were chatting much more easily with one another. We shared a cozy evening in that hip joint, and ended up ordering dinner there as well. The crowd was decent,and our brats were quite happy to fill one another in on their missing years, while allowing John and me to indulgein a little catching up of our own. By the time we got up to leave, Keith’s eyes were animated and he had a veryattractive flush in his cheeks. And for once, he had not badgered me to leave early from a night out with John. I took that as an encouraging sign. Without any prompting from me, Keith held out his hand to John once we had exited the building and said,‘John, I really am sorry about what happened on Friday. I didn’t mean to put you and Paul to so much trouble.I’ll call Paul tomorrow to apologize as well.’ I glowed with pride. That was the Keith John never saw, the one I knew and loved. ‘Well, well,’ John rumbled, looking slightly surprised too. ‘Thank you, Keith. I appreciate the gesture.’ Danny, who was huddled against John, no longer shy, suddenly said. ‘Hey, I just remembered my division isexpanding and is looking for an extra buyer. Would you be interested, Keith?’